Blue Screen

what you feel
in your stomach
is angst
...wanting to know
whether
that person
you texted
is eager to answer
you
back.
he just might be
busy
he just might be
ignoring you
but what he's
doing
isn't
some of your
concern
it's
all
of your
concern.
start watching the
stupidest shows
or movies
you've seen
10 times over;
maybe distraction
by the dumb
will produce a
response from
whom
you
admire.
give anything
for that
screen to turn blue
for that
cell to vibrate
for that
ringtone to sound off.
constant, constant, constant wants
of him to answer his phone
constant, constant, constant desires
of acknowledgment from the main hope.
constant demands of someone else is
enough to drive you
stir-crazy
but it's not
stir crazy
it's "love,"
right?
it's wanting to be
wanted by someone
other than
God
your mother
and yourself

the above is where
so many females
go sooo wrong
...the response of the man
the touch of the man
is more important than
the hang-out you and your mother planned
more important than
handling your business for class
more important than
attending church on Sunday
hoping not to miss a certain from the
"almighty one."
the man becomes the center of
your center

and if he leaves
you're left with
what the fuck?!
...i know this from experience
i know every situation is different
but i know i felt like this
i know many other females that have felt like this
i know family members and friends that are declared insane from situations like this
...all for what
so a boy can say hi?
so you can feel special?
...if you and your God
aren't enough to
inspire thanks
every morning
then you aren't sure
of who
you are.
re-examine who you were
before men
re-examine who you were
when it was just you
your Grandma
and your Bible
re-examine who you were
before you
needed that cell

you have to love yourself
before you love a man
all the hate in you
will reflect upon the Mister
and although no one's perfect
how can you grow up...white-pickett fence
without growing up...hole of the soul

lovin yourself is wayyy better
dying for a blue screen

"relax. relate. release."
find the bitch-ass and conquer

:-)